


The New Boy

by thebigbengal



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, I'm Sorry, I'm being extra clear on that, Pedophilia, coop giving him a what for, followed by audrey doing the same, john is bad, john justice wheeler being a creep, this is gonna get sleazy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-09-01 13:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16766452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebigbengal/pseuds/thebigbengal
Summary: John Justice Wheeler returns to Twin Peaks to find Miss Horne has grown up... and filled out.(A multi chapter endeavor into a world where John Justice Wheeler gets his comeuppance and Audrey's plot line isn't written with zero self-awareness. My hatred for him knows no bounds.)Edit: Some added dialogue.





	1. Chapter 1

Audrey had no idea she could feel so isolated in a suit. She stuck out like a sore thumb in the moving halls of CEOs, spokesmen, and foreign investors, though she was dressed no differently. The pencil skirt hugged her thighs too much and the shirt collar reminded her of a noose more than anything else. _Just put the sweater back on and call it a day_ , she thought. But if she wanted to play the part, she had to look it.

Her father played dress-up too, hopping around in his own little world. Audrey had her own fantasies, but she could always come out of them. What did it mean to be trapped like that, and to drag others in?

But Daddy was back now and better than ever! New motivation, new goals, new energy. No new time management skills, however. Everything was dedicated to “the cause.” Audrey didn’t want to argue with her father’s born-again idealism, after all it was a _good_ cause, but she just wanted a second, just one second, to talk like normal people…

“Daddy, can I speak to you for a moment?”

“Not now, Audrey! I’m in the middle of a massive revelation!”

“I know, it would only take-”

“Ah, ah, ah!” He wagged his finger. “Every minute counts. A good man never sleeps! Here, I need you to revise this appeal. Ghostwood is nearly in our grasp, I can feel it, Audrey! Honey, I tell you, we are on the horizon for glorious change!” He placed his hands on her shoulders, “You understand, Audrey?”

“Of course, Daddy.”

“Alright!”

And she returned to her secluded space, not behind a wall, but out in the open, at the seat of a receptionist desk. It was times like this that made her miss Agent Cooper. He still occupied the same room, 315, but she didn’t like to knock as much as she used to. He’s busy, it’s not abnormal. An FBI agent like him, first getting suspended and now working on some other big case, a girl like her would only get in the way. Audrey wasn’t going to be a burden anymore, not to anyone. Everyone’s busy, everyone has a job, and she did too. Little Audrey Horne all grown up and on her own - just what she wanted.

Suddenly she was looking up into the eyes of a grown man, about Agent Cooper’s height, chiseled, straight toothed, and without a badge. John Justice Wheeler, a friend of her father’s, and it showed in their interactions. Always palling around and speaking with such eloquence only a man that had seen years of business negotiations, deals, and buyouts, grinning his way through every board meeting, could have. Audrey found that little excited spark she’d missed. He looked at her with interest. Not totally devoted to anything else, and always open to her presence. Audrey melted away and latched on like a cat to a tree. But still sat that boundary Agent Cooper clearly laid. John looked about in his thirties, he was definitely older than college age. If he could laugh with Daddy and Uncle Jerry like old frat boys, he’d be way above a highschool girl.

“I’m only eighteen.”

John rested his head on his hand. “And what does that have to do with the price of eggs?”

She knew right away this man was not the agent that turned her down. It was odd to hear that, and Agent Cooper’s kind offer of friendship fade out behind her. Audrey briefly wondered if she could go that direction if she wanted to, and if John would say no. His persuading eyes said the opposite. She backed off, not sure of what to do next, accept hope someone would be willing to listen to her. Again, John was the answer.

Sweet, charming, handsome, romantic. What was she running from? Maybe he didn’t want anything from her besides flirting. He was nice. He was… transparent. He had the company of an old friend or family member returning from sea. Like they’d known each other for years and she didn’t realize it...

The cool spring air carried his serenading voice through the open patch where they held their first date. Audrey thought again and again how much like a movie this was. Like those glamorously dressed, middle aged stars, dancing slowly with jazz music playing in the background.

"If there's another guy-" John said.

Audrey stopped him, "There was someone, but... not anymore. There's nobody." She felt the emptiness in her heart with that statement, then it slowly closed the more they spoke. They laughed, traded stories, knew each other like she wanted to be known.

John drew in closer, “You grew up beautifully.”

Odd. Again, all she could come up with was “odd.” Audrey blinked and leaned away from him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, “I say something?”

“Yeah, uh,” Audrey paused, “You still have that photo of me? When I was little?”

“Of course.” John pulled out his wallet. There in the plastic slip was a small, ten year old girl dressed in lace and a bonnet. Audrey remembered that night well. Lots of applause, and two empty seats.

“God, I was so young.”

“Yes,” John closed the space between them, “Not anymore.” He smiled coyly.

Audrey glanced at the girl and back to John. He took a sip of coffee from her thermos. “Little Audrey Horne, all grown up.”

She breathed a longing sigh and smiled back at him. John gently placed the photo back in his wallet, and tucked it into his coat pocket.


	2. Chapter 2

Audrey passed room 315 later that day, and stood in front of it until she was needed in her father’s office. She spotted the agent sitting alone in the restaurant, eating his dinner, then rushed out the door to the sheriff station, no doubt. She peeked from behind the door frame, biting her lip as she watched him drive off. Then that dark voice called to her.

“You spying?”

“Oh!” Audrey spun around and fixed herself up for the man, “No, no, I was just-”

“That guy you spoke about at the picnic? That ‘someone’? Is he here?” John grinned and scanned the dining room over Audrey’s shoulder.

“No, he left. Nothing to worry about.”

“Less to compete with then.” He laughed. Audrey fiddled with her sleeves and laughed too. She turned to look out at the empty table and walked with John to her desk.

She was playful again, and John seemed to like that. More importantly, he stuck around for it. Daddy had no time for picnics, whether he was saving weasels or scamming companies. Agent Cooper barely had a moment to speak to Audrey, let alone sit down for a picnic. She remembered that one night they sat together in his room, eating fries and shakes, dirtying the covers with crumbs while she spilled her guts to him and he listened honestly and openly. John seemed to prefer green bean casseroles and wine over milkshakes, but it made no difference to her.

“You’re not gonna tell me who it is, are you?” John asked.

“Why would I?”

“No reason. Curious is all.”

“Like I said, it isn’t important.” Audrey looked away from him and opened her desk drawer, searching for a notepad and pen.

“Nothing happened, then.”

“No, nothing happened.” To a degree of her regret.

John cocked his eyebrow. “Did something _almost_ happen?”

Audrey paused, “Almost… but we’re just friends now.” She closed the desk drawer. “It was for the best.”

“Which one of you wanted to be friends?”

Confused by the question, she paused again. Then took another moment to figure out the best answer. “He did, and then I did.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

John rolled his eyes, “Interesting.” And he left for the door.

Audrey panicked and dropped the pen and notepad on her desk. “Well, like I said, he’s out of the picture, so you don’t have to worry about anything!” She shouted.

John stood in the doorway and smirked, “Lucky me, then.”


	3. Chapter 3

A kiss, a real kiss. John’s lips were warm against hers. She erased the chaos of the Stop Ghostwood benefit from her mind.

“Did you come for the pageant?”

“No, I came for you.”

The relief she felt was almost too much. She melted all over again. But there it was, that odd pecking in her head. He wasn’t stiff or resistant, like Agent Cooper when she swiped a kiss. That was meant to make her happy, right? In hindsight, it was rude of her to steal one like that. She’d apologize to him if she knew where he was. John dug deeper into her, lips molding perfectly. He was so willing and eager. Her fantasies of the tall and dark agent sweeping her off her feet were just that, fantasies, but this was reality. She could have John if she wanted, truly and deeply. But she kept getting stuck at the “wanting” part. 

The next day, reclaiming her old flair, Audrey waltzed into John’s room, hoping to see what he’ll do next. She had a list of chores to get to, but this would brighten her day, week, and entire year.

She didn’t want to come off as too obvious, even if last night was a huge, flashing sign on a dark road, so she put on her coy face, swayed her hips, and stretched her words, like the leading ladies in those black and white movies when they  _ reaaaally _ wanted something.

“Do you remember your grandfather?” John asked.

“Mm-hm.”

“Colorful man. One of the wisest man I ever met. Know what he once said? He said, ‘If you’re gonna bring a hammer, better bring nails.’”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What that means is the next time you come into my room and carry on like this, you better be ready to finish whatever it is you came here to start.”

Audrey thought for a moment. “Maybe I’m ready now.” She had the option this time. Agent Cooper would have never had any if’s, and’s, or but’s about it, and sent her out into the hall.

“Be yourself.” John leaned in quickly and Audrey recoiled.

“ _I_ _ am _ being myself.”

Offended, she turned around, prepared to leave out someone else’s door a final time, when John bounced back like a cat landing on its feet, “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I stand corrected. You’re a beautiful, intelligent young woman.”

Almost like the words were stolen directly from Agent Cooper’s mouth. She genuinely smiled, then spoke sly.“What else?”

She liked seeing him stutter for a moment. He was cute when caught off guard. Then he asked,“Flight at sunset and dinner for two?”

“When?”

“The flight or the sunset?”

“Well I have to go to the library and then I have a meeting with my father-”

“A simple yes or no would do.”

She paused, then said low and wispy, “Yes.” She went into the hall and returned the sentiment. “And if you’re gonna bring a hammer, you better bring some nails, too.”

The moment she closed the door, a million butterflies filled her stomach almost to the point of bursting. A real, honest kiss, and now a real, honest date. Not a picnic, or some take-out late at night that ended up making her sick the next morning anyways. He truly  _ wants _ her.

Her heart picked up pace as she thought through what could happen.  _ Bring nails.  _ No chickening out. No, “I’m sorry, but I’m not ready.” Adults follow through, otherwise all you’ll do is disappoint.

Audrey had pictured for years what her first time would be like. With an older man, handsome and clean cut, in a soft bed, romantic lighting, nothing in the world but each other.

Audrey shook off any second thoughts over that “yes,” or if she was too quick or too hesitant or too easy. The suit finally felt right.


End file.
